James is not here anymore. Earlier this morning, James started hallucinating again and stormed out of the house. He drove to his mother's house, knocked on her door, and shot himself in the head before his mother got to the door. She called the police, and then she called me.
I rushed over to her house to try to comfort her. I have no idea what it's like to have a son with schizophrenia, nor do I know what it's like to lose a son. I feel so incredibly sorry for her.
I drove back to James' house to see if there was anything I could find that might explain why he did this. A note or something. I found a post-it note on his computer, which said "Karen, check your email -James"
In my email was this letter from James:
Dear Karen,I'm so sorry that he got so many people tied up in this mess. I'm signing off of everything he was signed into, and turning his computer off.
I am so sorry that I have to do this to you, but I cannot keep living like this. I don't know who I am anymore. It's for the best.
My computer is probably still logged into the accounts I made in my madness. Find one of them and announce what has happened.
I love you so much, Karen. I wish there was some other way, but nothing is working. The therapy was worthless, the medications made it worse, and I just don't know where to turn after this.
3 comments:
Post the same thing on your Angel Spotting blog if you are really Karen.
I was of the belief that your name was Tina. Why do I feel this is a falsehood?
james :(
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