Why?

I just got a call today from the hospital. Bad news.

My mother was just killed in a car accident. Her brake pedal just snapped apart under her foot and she couldn't stop, and she went head-on into three lanes of traffic. She died on impact.

I don't know how to handle this. I need help.

James told me to do this...

Hi. My name is Karen Lohnes. I am James' girlfriend.

James is not here anymore. Earlier this morning, James started hallucinating again and stormed out of the house. He drove to his mother's house, knocked on her door, and shot himself in the head before his mother got to the door. She called the police, and then she called me.

I rushed over to her house to try to comfort her. I have no idea what it's like to have a son with schizophrenia, nor do I know what it's like to lose a son. I feel so incredibly sorry for her.

I drove back to James' house to see if there was anything I could find that might explain why he did this. A note or something. I found a post-it note on his computer, which said "Karen, check your email -James"

In my email was this letter from James:

Dear Karen,
I am so sorry that I have to do this to you, but I cannot keep living like this. I don't know who I am anymore. It's for the best.

My computer is probably still logged into the accounts I made in my madness. Find one of them and announce what has happened.

I love you so much, Karen. I wish there was some other way, but nothing is working. The therapy was worthless, the medications made it worse, and I just don't know where to turn after this.

I'm so sorry that he got so many people tied up in this mess. I'm signing off of everything he was signed into, and turning his computer off.

Birthday

I realize I haven't been online much the past couple days. I've been really sick. I've been throwing up left and right. I'm pretty sure it's these medications they've got me on. I'm done taking them. They only made me feel like crap.

Anyway, tomorrow is my girlfriend's birthday. We're not gonna do much. Just cake and ice cream. My mother's going to come, too, since she's never had a chance to meet her.

That Didn't Go Well

I spoke with my mother today. About a lot of stuff.

I told her about what's been going on here. She seemed worried, and offered for me to come live with her for a while. I declined, because I don't approve of her roommates.

She said she wanted me to try the police again. I lied to her and said I'd call them again. I'm not going to bother them anymore. They have more important things to worry about, like stolen cars and other material possessions.

I asked her about the events that were mentioned to me in the first email I received, about when I was young. She confirmed them. Looks like everything he said was all true.

Then I told her about my trip to the shrink. She nearly fainted when I told her I went to a psychiatrist about all this. She did faint when I said I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. When she came to, she told me to get out of her house. I don't know why she was so offended about what had happened, but she said "Get the hell out of here", looked away, and didn't say another word.

I tried calling her today, but she won't answer.

So, this medication they put me on. It's really messing with me. I feel even worse than I did before. I feel depressed. More specifically, I feel alone. I don't even know how to describe it. I feel like my mind's locked up in a big, empty room. I don't know. I feel so helpless right now.

Oh, I also found this note taped to my front door. I'd scan it, but the scanner just stopped working a few days ago, and I really don't feel like getting around to fixing it.

The Whore has a Knife
A Blade which will Reclaim Pride
Become not the Sheath

Out Of Town

I just got back from a bit of a trip. I went to visit some family for the holidays, and then I decided that I should see a psychiatrist, because I'm starting to wonder if all this isn't just in my head.

I've been diagnosed with schizophrenia, and am on medication now.

I wish I knew what to do anymore.

New Message

I got another email from him. Here it is:

Subject: You have no idea what you have started

I'd like to congratulate you, James. You have, unknowingly, gathered for me more souls to reap. You will make my return much more devastating than I had originally envisioned.

I will save you a warm seat.

What the hell is all of this supposed to mean?

Police Report

The police just left. They checked the entire house for fingerprints.

There we no prints other than my mothers and my own on any doors, doorknobs, windows, or any other points of entry into the house. There are no signs of forced entry, or anything else.

The police think I'm crazy. Again.